Approaching the Two Year Anniversaries

I have been dreading the upcoming two year anniversaries beginning September 5 – diagnosis day. It is unbelievable twenty months have come and gone since December 15, 2008, when I last saw my dear daughter! I am daunted by time stretching on into a vast abyss.

Looking back, God’s hand is clearly visible in the earthquake encompassing her death. He prepared us in numerous, unseen ways. But I have not been able to figure out why she had to die. I may never know the answer to that question, but I have found a possible reason.

On September 29, 2008, Karin had her first meeting with Dr. George, a renowned renal cancer researcher at Duke University. He gave us the dour statistics, then held her hands, looking straight into her eyes and said, “You are not a statistic. We will go through this together.” He gave the probabilities for living at different stages of advancement. The worst scenario was three months. He thought his clinical trials would give her two years, and, by then, a cure would be found. We left that day with great hope! A cancer cure in the near future was the buzz with television specials, news reports, and now her oncologist.

That was two years ago. There still is no cure! The disease is rampant. Until Karin, I rarely heard of anyone with cancer. No one I knew had cancer. I sincerely thought our family genes were immune. The closest it ever touched me was a cousin’s husband who lived far away and my father-in-law’s brief bout with prostate cancer. His spell was nothing worse than a cold. But now, everyone I know has a relative or friend that is cursed with the disease, plus one of my prayer warriors during Karin’s vigil was diagnosed the month after losing Karin, and the thief stole all this summer.

Since no cure has surfaced, Karin’s end would have been imminent now unless God intervened with a miracle. As I contemplate that thought, I can only thank God that she died when she did. For 101 days, she was in horrible misery. If she had revealed to her oncologist on Monday, December 8 that she was stifling a cough, perhaps she would have endured the inconceivable of living through many more months of torture. Steve had already taken unpaid time off work to be at her side. He could not have done that indefinitely, yet he was unable to concentrate on work. He would have lost his job and their health insurance.

We are so proud of the way Karin conducted her life in the midst of unbearable circumstances. We knew at the time that we were blessed to have had 101 days to tell her everything we wanted her to know. I was able to live with them and help with the children and household chores. On December 4, in an email to her friend, Noelle, Karin wrote about a faith crisis she had had. She continued, “But for some reason (ok....God is the reason), my faith hasn’t been wavering through this particular crisis — the biggest of all!! I’ve tried to analyze why that is. All I know is that God is amazing!!!” She was fortunate for her suffering to end. Watching her languish for an extended period of time would have been harrowing. God extended His grace. She was strong in spirit to the end. Even her body did not want to give up as her heart continued to beat. The Holy Spirit was there, welcoming her, and blanketing us with His peace.

First Day of School & Mommy

Steve posted on Facebook Monday morning:
"first day of school.. Lunch made. Waiting to wake up Kevin.. feeling those first day jitters.. It is weird being dad and mom."

Later, he commented:
Steve Faulkner It might be hard to believe, but even bold Kevin is shy sometimes.. He did not want to let go of daddy's leg this morning. Us being late didn't help :-P Don't know how it took 20 minutes to get out the door!

The next day, Steve sent this report:

BTW - a couple things Kevin said tonight..

1) He said he was worried on the first day of school but he LOVES it!

[Cathi told me that Brandy and Jeremy also had a good first day of school -- with homework!]

2) Kevin randomly asked if people get to choose when they get a baby.. this led to deciding it was a chance to tell him a bit more clearly about his story.. I told him that a baby is born to a mommy, and that he was born to a mommy in Russia, but he never knew her and she could not keep him, so he lived in the orphanage. I asked him if he knew what an orphanage was, and he said it was where kids lived that did not have a family. And I said it was sad that he lost his first mommy in Russia, and then got a new mommy (Karin), and then lost her too. At that point he started crying, and said he wanted to have a mommy again, and her name had to be Karin, because he missed that name, and it was such a beautiful name. :( He asked how we could get a mommy again, and I told him that I would have to fall in love with a woman and date her for a long time and then we would get married and live together as a family.
We had a good close moment.

Is that a tear-jerker, or what?!

Kevin's Artwork

Still returning my house to "normal." Today, I sorted through the reams of artwork Kevin left with me, chose my favorites, and took photos of them to post while the originals were recycled. :( My most favs are on my fridge. Actually, he posted them there.

I love his phonetic spelling:
glitter glue, markers, colors


Apparently, Grandma is a mermaid! :-0 That is a real seashell from Lake Ontario added to the bottom of the drawing.



These are scenes from Chautauqua,of significance to Chautauqua, or done in his children's program:
Bats are beloved at Chautauqua

A bat note holder magnet made with popsicle sticks.


The Bell Tower at Chautauqua.


I bought him some packages of Silly Bandz. These are some of the shapes:

Addendum to July 29

This morning, my neighbor, who hosted the party for our neighbors who are getting married today (!!), returned my dishes which I had left behind in my haste to take Kevin home after eating the Nanaimo Bars (http://ninasgrandchildren.blogspot.com/2010/07/puzzle-games-sugar-and-nightmares.html), as his good behavior had turned to wild behavior. She told me that Kevin was quite upset that my appetizer offering was not being consumed. Her report is -- Kevin said to her at the party, "I don't know why no one is eating Grandma's food! She spent a lot of time making it." It is true that my dill dip in a pumpernickel bread bowl was overlooked for tastier treats on display. Although, if Karin had been there, the dip would have been gone.

Boy & Dog, New House, and Silly Supper

Before Kevin left for his Y program, Jack gave him some loving.

This afternoon, Grandma ran some errands: went to a shipping store to mail Kevin's recently outgrown clothes to Kien and Gabe, sent Silly Bandz to Brandy and Jeremy, bought bubble equipment for Kevin to play with on his balcony, visited Karin and sang "How Great is Our God" to her, and then picked up Kevin from his Y program where I saw a friend from Summit Church (Debbie Puffer).

We came home and tried out the bubbles. Great success, and Jack loved them too!




Then Kevin noted a Luna Moth on the side of their building! I read, "People rarely see Luna Moths, mostly because they fly late at night. It is a treat to see one, because they are very beautiful insects."

Father and son had some alone time.

Later, Kevin was devastated that Daddy and Grandma did not (and would not) go swimming with him. Gee! He swims at the Y program every morning! "It was too hot to swim," is what I told him. Daddy wanted to take us to a movie. Kevin didn't want that. Grandma wanted to have supper at Goodberry's with a banana split. Guess who won!!! If Mama ain't happy, then no one is happy! There we saw and ate with a couple from Summit -- Marilyn and George.

We stopped to show Kevin his new house which has a mid-September expected move-in date.

Time to Say Goodbye and Hello

My grandsons watching TV together.

Kevin and Kien were very physical in their play this morning. I know that Kevin was sad to leave him, and perhaps Kien felt the same.





We had good flights and finished reading "Winnie the Pooh," which he loved! We both had some cat naps, and did more pages in his activity books. For the past few weeks, we have played the I'm-going-on-a-trip-and-in-my-suitcase-I'm-going-to-pack... alphabet game while traveling in the car. Kevin wanted to play on our last leg of the trip today, but use only words from Winne the Pooh.

We had a little mixup in finding each other at the airport. Daddy was not at baggage claim, so we found our bags, went out to the sidewalk and phoned him. He started walking in our direction. When we saw him in the distance, Kevin ran to him!

Big hugs!

Daddy marveled at how much he had grown and changed in 4 weeks.

And Daddy was a bit emotional at seeing his precious boy again.

Jack wondered where his little boy had been for four weeks! And Kevin marveled at how much Jack had grown. He has probably doubled in size since Kevin saw him last.



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Lots of Laughs All Day

When I first arrived, Gabe was happy to see me and quite willing to let me hold him. Yesterday and today, he laughs when he sees me, but he does not want me to hold him! This morning, Greg called me to watch how he can get off their bed by himself. As soon as I appeared, he climbed back onto the bed next to Daddy and laughed hysterically. Greg repeatedly told me to come as Gabe was starting to get off the bed. Immediately, he would scramble back to Daddy while belly laughing.

Both little boys (or should I say "the three little boys" ha!) enjoyed playing with Gabe's presents this morning!



We went to Greg and Cathi's church, the Fort Worth Satellite of Fellowship Church. The lead preacher was away, so another staff preacher gave the video sermon. He began by talking about the Miami Satellite congregation and being at Miami's South Beach. He spoke of he and his wife going in a direction on the beach where they were told amazing things would unfold. As they walked, more and more unfolded and unfolded until there were fat wrinkles everywhere, and he coined a new word: fatulous.

On the way home from church, Cathi asked everyone to tell what they had learned that morning at church. My response was that South Beach Miami has a nude beach. They were all aghast at me. They didn't believe that he had described a nude beach; simply a beach were everyone was fat. I thought maybe they didn't want the kids to know about the nude beach. So I looked it up online to prove my point to Greg and Cathi. The truth had totally gone over their heads! LOL

I came to Texas wanting to take a photo of my 5 grandchildren together. Getting everyone to cooperate is not an easy task! It was to happen this morning while everyone was dressed for church. In fact, when Brandy appeared ready for church in a shirt with huge lettering on it, I asked her to change to something that would look better in a group photo. She willingly obliged me. The portrait did not happen, because Gabe fell asleep.

So I asked Brandy to pose for me before changing her clothes.

We agreed that the pool would be the place for the photo. Nope, a "formal" portrait did not happen. But I did take these:







Brandy is on the swim team at school, so I asked her to demonstrate for me. Wow! She is a strong, fast swimmer, but it was hard to take a photo capturing her talent. Here is a back stroke.

I think this was the breast stroke. (With Kevin under water in the foreground.)

I finally had my Mexican dinner with Margarita tonight. So yummy!!!


Greg loves taking mystery detours with surprise endings. On the way home, we stopped at Blockbuster, then a park near their house. The perfect spot for a grandchildren's portrait!!! But first, some playtime for the overly eager children. The oppressive heat (can you believe *I* am saying that?!) of the day had abated, making a pleasant evening.

Kien enjoying the swing with Brandy absorbed in her iPod.


Finally, after dinner, my chance came to take a photo of my 5 grandchildren together at the park. This is my favorite shot:

Alternates included these:



Wish I remembered why I was laughing in this one!!!