I have been dreading the upcoming two year anniversaries beginning September 5 – diagnosis day. It is unbelievable twenty months have come and gone since December 15, 2008, when I last saw my dear daughter! I am daunted by time stretching on into a vast abyss.
Looking back, God’s hand is clearly visible in the earthquake encompassing her death. He prepared us in numerous, unseen ways. But I have not been able to figure out why she had to die. I may never know the answer to that question, but I have found a possible reason.
On September 29, 2008, Karin had her first meeting with Dr. George, a renowned renal cancer researcher at Duke University. He gave us the dour statistics, then held her hands, looking straight into her eyes and said, “You are not a statistic. We will go through this together.” He gave the probabilities for living at different stages of advancement. The worst scenario was three months. He thought his clinical trials would give her two years, and, by then, a cure would be found. We left that day with great hope! A cancer cure in the near future was the buzz with television specials, news reports, and now her oncologist.
That was two years ago. There still is no cure! The disease is rampant. Until Karin, I rarely heard of anyone with cancer. No one I knew had cancer. I sincerely thought our family genes were immune. The closest it ever touched me was a cousin’s husband who lived far away and my father-in-law’s brief bout with prostate cancer. His spell was nothing worse than a cold. But now, everyone I know has a relative or friend that is cursed with the disease, plus one of my prayer warriors during Karin’s vigil was diagnosed the month after losing Karin, and the thief stole all this summer.
Since no cure has surfaced, Karin’s end would have been imminent now unless God intervened with a miracle. As I contemplate that thought, I can only thank God that she died when she did. For 101 days, she was in horrible misery. If she had revealed to her oncologist on Monday, December 8 that she was stifling a cough, perhaps she would have endured the inconceivable of living through many more months of torture. Steve had already taken unpaid time off work to be at her side. He could not have done that indefinitely, yet he was unable to concentrate on work. He would have lost his job and their health insurance.
We are so proud of the way Karin conducted her life in the midst of unbearable circumstances. We knew at the time that we were blessed to have had 101 days to tell her everything we wanted her to know. I was able to live with them and help with the children and household chores. On December 4, in an email to her friend, Noelle, Karin wrote about a faith crisis she had had. She continued, “But for some reason (ok....God is the reason), my faith hasn’t been wavering through this particular crisis — the biggest of all!! I’ve tried to analyze why that is. All I know is that God is amazing!!!” She was fortunate for her suffering to end. Watching her languish for an extended period of time would have been harrowing. God extended His grace. She was strong in spirit to the end. Even her body did not want to give up as her heart continued to beat. The Holy Spirit was there, welcoming her, and blanketing us with His peace.
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